Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins (Dairy free)

While looking for a muffin recipe, I came across this one which claims to be low fat.

My oldest daughter cannot eat dairy, so I used almond milk instead of regular milk and added 1/2  cup of applesauce in place of the egg.

I made them today and oh my goodness, they are divine. They are so moist and not too sweet. I think it's safe to say these will not last long in our house.

Monday, September 24, 2012

A really good weekend

This was a really good weekend. After the drama of past weekends, I needed it to be a good weekend. Saturday morning, I made chocolate chip pancakes. They were enjoyed by all, even the baby.

Also, we went to the Columbus fair and finished it up by eating at Zaxby's. I am kind of obsessed with Zaxby's, it could be bordering on problematic. ;)

I went ahead and decorated for Halloween this weekend. Savannah Grace is going to be a bumble bee this year and Hayley and Donovan are still undecided.

Happy Monday!

Friday, September 14, 2012

10 months!

Happy 10 months, sweet baby boy! I love you so very much, even if you are a NASCAR fan ;)

Sunday, September 9, 2012


I don't *like* putting my dirty laundry out there but I can't be normal and act like everything is ok. Everything is not ok. It's actually pretty messed up. I saw some texts exchanged between Josh and a girl (her name was Shiloh) on his phone. I called her and she hung up on me. I'm not going to lie, I slapped him hard. It felt good. I wish I could beat him. I think that would make me feel better. I normally don't check his phone or email or anything but I had a weird feeling. Just subtle changes and something didn't feel right. I knew in my gut but I didn't want it to be true. He's a good guy. I never would think he would be capable of hurting me this way. Not my Josh. He would not cheat and break my heart.

I wish I could unsee what I saw. Maybe then my heart would not be broken into pieces. I feel like I have been punched in my gut. I feel stupid, unwanted and furious. He's all "I love you, I love our family and you mean the world to me and I'm sorry." Blah, blah fucking blah.

I hope I can forgive him. I will never, ever forget though. I'm always going to wonder and worry. What if it happens again? Am I not good enough? Why?? I take care of the kids, our home, fold your clothes, cook your meals. I love with all my heart.

Part of me wants to hurt him back. To make him feel this pain I am feeling. Like my heart is ripped out. Is it possible to die from heartbreak?

I wish I could lay in bed with covers over my head and cry for days. The worst part is having to pretend to be ok for the kids. Tomorrow I go visit SG's new preschool and meet her teacher. How do I get up and face the day and go on when I am falling apart inside? I have to carry on even though I want to break down.

I will never be the same, we will never be the same. He ruined that. Please say a prayer for me, for my kids. Thank you.